Why me? Faith when facing Chronic Illness.

Chronic illness is a struggle of its own and mixing in faith can be even harder to cope with. I'm not saying that having an illness means you cannot have faith but that it can make it hard on your faith. I have Joint Hypermobility and Chronic Fatigue, both present daily issues but I never anticipated how much they would shape my faith.

I have been through hard times and my faith has been challenged but this was something different. In life we go through ups and downs and these things help us to grow in a deeper relationship with God. I have learnt that through my illness, just like any other hard time that is has matured my faith but I want to share in how it affected and still affects my faith.

Let me just say to begin; you are not alone, you are not failing and you are allowed to struggle! Oh how I wish I had heard those words myself... as strong as your faith may be when chronic illness strikes and often out of nowhere, it takes a hit on you. At first I was angry, angry that God was letting me suffer, I was confused that maybe I was being punished. I didn't understand, if I had been good, if I had been maturing and stepping up why was I now suffering? I had overcome some big hurdles in life and I had been feeling so good and right then I got so ill, I had to give nearly everything up. So, yeah I was mad with God. Now, it took me time, a lot of time! I started to see that God had other plans for me, a different career path, spending my time serving my church etc. As I saw his plan unfold, I realised he wasn't punishing me but he was giving me new direction and understanding of faithfulness in a new way.

So, I am over the anger but I am way too tired for all this... It's just true, I was tired at church and I was tired of praying and I was jealous too of what everyone else could do. The lesson here? I don't have to be able to do it all... The beauty of a family in Christ is that others can pray and carry you through when you are too tired to do it. I am so grateful for my faith family because they carried me and still do. I am learning more and more that it isn't about being perfect in prayer or service but that you do what you are able to do. God designed it so you would be different, it is harder for you than someone who is healthy and he knows that.

And now? Well I am not mad at God although at times I do find it hard to understand when I have setbacks etc. but time is everything and I know in 6 months, 1 year, I will see what the purpose was. And I am still tired but I know I don't need to be perfect, I just need to love God and do what my personal best is for him. As I said in my post about Satan, he uses your illness; to get you down, to be jealous, to be angry at God. I don't want to let him use what God can use for good.

Faith when ill is hard and there is no right or wrong way but I really want to say; it is okay to be seemingly lacking - ask for help. Where others may be able to do it all, know that God only want what you can do, not what someone else can do. It takes special people to face daily battles and still stand up everyday and fight for Jesus.

You are strong and wonderful.

Love,

Becky

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