Drop the shame - Being a 'perfect' Christian.

Drop the shame - let's start breaking down the walls of shame and guilt.

I have spent way too many years of my life feeling shame and guilt. I put an impossible task on my shoulders - to be perfect. I didn't believe I should ever make mistakes. I didn't fully accept God's forgiveness and I hadn’t forgiven myself. And I didn't understand the human nature we all have - to be inclined to sin. Because of this I went ahead on the impossible, emotional and draining journey of trying to be perfect in every way possible.

This may or may not relate to you, but I think deep down a lot of us just want to be 'perfect', we want to do everything right and not make mistakes. I didn't know as a teenager that everyone around me wasn't actually as good as I thought. I assumed that the Christians I had been looking up to hadn't made a single wrong move in their journeys of faith. I was so wrong! Unfortunately, in church we so often avoid telling each other of our mistakes that it can seem like everyone is always doing good. I fell for the outward appearance that everything was all good and therefore they must be practically perfect. This only fuelled my desire to be perfect, I wanted to be like them… expect now I know that they weren’t so perfect. At some point everyone has struggles and battles with sin. It is actually normal and okay. There is no one but Jesus who is actually perfect. We all mess up and we are not alone in that. Realising that I actually don’t need to be perfect and that my struggles were not just individual started my journey to dropping the shame about not being a ‘perfect’ Christian.

As humans we have a weakness, we are drawn to things that are just not good for us (sin). We all have experienced this in some way. This means not matter how close to God you are, you can still face times of struggle. I never really understood this… I needed to accept that by nature we are sinful and that all I need to do is my best. I don't need to be perfect because no one is. God never asked me to be perfect, he just wants my best. That is not an excuse to sin, but it means that even when I am struggling, as long as I don't give in to sin and give up on God - God has my back and is rooting for me. It is not an easy process but once we accept that by nature we will make mistakes, we can start focusing not on the mistake itself but on how we can walk better with God. We can actually learn from our struggles.

When we hold onto guilt and shame over our mistakes and struggles, we end up carrying it around with us. We actually rob ourselves of forgiveness and joy. We take away the opportunity to grow and learn because we are so caught up in punishing ourselves. I am learning every day to not focus on the fact I am failing or not being 'perfect'. I now focus on doing my best by facing the sin and trying to change. I give myself grace! This is so important. God showed us immense grace, by sacrificing his own Son, even though he knew we would make mistakes. He still chose to forgive us and love us, and we need to extend that grace to ourselves too. We need to be kind to ourselves, patient and not self-punishing when we face struggles or make mistakes. Learning this helped me to drop some of the shame I had about not being perfect. I don’t need to carry the weight of guilt, of not being good enough. God loves me, the sinner and I need to love myself. That way I can walk closer and better with God, learning and moving on, not holding myself back. I also recognised that I am not some evil, awful person, I am just like everyone else. We all make mistakes, but we are all forgiven and loved through Jesus, regardless of our failings.

Another thing I had to learn was that it’s not about the mistakes we make but we do about them. Yes, we shouldn't be proud but if we spend all our time just feeling bad, we can’t actually move on and make good out of it. We have to actually move forward, after we have repented it’s about making a plan of action to overcome that sin with God in the centre. We need to no longer dwell on the shame but use the mistake as a tool to grow in faith and strengthen our relationships with God.

The last thing that really has helped me 'drop the shame' is fully accepting the forgiveness I have in Jesus Christ. I had to accept that no matter how bad I thought I was or had been, Jesus loves me, and I am forgiven. We are ALL forgiven. There is no one sin that is any greater or worse. The Bible is clear that we are all forgiven. We just need to call out to God as ask for him forgive us and help us.

There is another side to it though; often we can accept forgiveness from God, but we don't forgive ourselves. This is the part I am still working on the most. In order to receive the full benefits of forgiveness, to be able to move on, we have to forgive ourselves. It takes times but we need to be making sure that we are not punishing ourselves. Jesus paid the penalty and set us free – who are we to stop ourselves from having it. When fully accept forgiveness from God and we forgive ourselves, we can 'drop the shame'.

Dropping the shame we feel is not a bad thing. It doesn't mean we don't care, it means that we are learning to love ourselves the way God does. it means we are learning and moving forward. God doesn't want you to dwell on the past, he wants you to blossom.

So, if you are holding onto the shame of perfection - take some time to talk with God, ask him to help you accept his forgiveness and to forgive yourself. Understand the nature of humans is not perfect and that you are not expected to be. Give yourself some grace and live by moving forward not stuck in the past.

I am still going through this process myself, but I can tell you, it is beyond freeing. So, let's drop the shame about making mistakes and being perfect and start loving ourselves the way God loves us.

Faithfully,

Becky