Soul Ties | Christian Relationships

I am about to get really vulnerable with you all today. Relationships are not easy, especially romantic ones when you follow Christ. Unlike the rest of the world, we have a standard to uphold when we are dating. Today I want to talk about the consequences of not meeting that standard. Before I dive in, it is really important for me to say this. Just because you have made mistakes or not lived by God’s standards before does not mean you are unworthy, wrong or unlovable. God loves you so much and he sees you as so worthy, so priceless and so lovable!

The thing is a lot of us find it hard to have godly romantic relationships and one of the consequences of that is soul ties. I know this first-hand. Despite being completely dedicated to God and having the best laid plans (at the time) I still found myself in a position where my relationship wasn’t really godly. Now, maybe for some it was but for me it wasn’t. I expect myself to put God first, above anyone else. I expect myself to keep to his guidance and word over how I conduct myself. I expect myself to follow his teachings on intimacy. Even though I did my best, I still made mistakes and I was led by the influence of someone who didn’t have their eyes fully fixed on God either. When both people do not completely fix their eyes on God, Satan can have his way. That is why the Bible tells us not to be in romantic relationships with non-believers. But we must be aware that even as believers we may not be fully fixed on God. This was the case for me, despite my best efforts, I wasn’t focused enough and my partner at the time wasn’t either.

Although for me my covenant to wait till marriage was not broken, I still crossed lines that shouldn’t have been crossed. When this kind of thing happens, when we get too physically close and dependant on another, we create soul ties. It has taken me a long time to recognise that, that I developed one. You might be thinking, what is a soul tie? Well, it is a deep and powerful tie/bond that is created between a couple. It often results in you still loving someone and wanting to go back to them, even if the relationship was bad for you. It is why you can’t stop thinking of them, why you are so crushed and why moving on seems impossible. The reason this tie happens is because of premature intimacy. You see friends, God intended on us only sharing ourselves with our husband or wife. When you do this, you create that life-long bond and in marriage it so sacred and wonderful. But outside, it is damaging and toxic.

I didn’t realise until I tried to go back to something that once caused me much heartache, that the only reason I was doing it was because of this tie. The tie that made me feel like I had to be with them even if it wasn’t what was best for me. I learnt in that moment why boundaries and God’s teaching on refraining from intimacy was there. God doesn’t deprive us or make us suffer. It is not about rules or being perfect. God was trying to protect my fragile heart from latching onto something that wasn’t meant for me. He was trying to show me that this isn’t how love is meant to be.

Friends, if I can impart any wisdom from my own journey, it’s this – Truly guard your heart and your body. You must know your value, know that love is not about the physical aspects. A true lover of Christ will not put their desires over following the Lord and over doing what is best to care for you. Seek out someone who is more dedicated to God than anything else. But you also need to do your part. You need to be aware of your weaknesses, be aware if someone is hurting you in your journey and be prepared to walk away.

I struggled a lot to walk away, but the best decision I ever made was choosing God over myself. I chose to trust God, believe in his word and that he would in time mend me. I chose to end a relationship because it wasn’t helping me but harming me. As I continue to heal and look towards my future, I will be ensuring that I stand firm in my love of the Lord. I will be ensuring I truly guard my heart and body. We are sinful creatures and I know now that boundaries are necessary for me. These boundaries look different for everyone, but you must be honest with yourself and with your past. Don’t allow Satan to manipulate you, if you know your weaknesses, you can give it to God, and you can be active in protecting yourself.

If we can learn anything from these soul ties, it is that it should only be made with the person who treats you the way God would treat you and in the safety of marriage. If you have a tie like me, just know that in the pain, confusion, regret and moving on, that you can do it. I am still in this process myself, but I know that God is there with you and me, and that our futures can only hold much better things. God has shown me much grace and love in this time, and I pray that if you are going through this, God’s love will fill you with peace and comfort too.

I wanted to share this vulnerable part of my life with you today because walking with the Lord is not easy. I wanted to share it because no one is perfect, not even influencers or ministers etc. Most of all I wanted to share it, so no one is left alone or hopeless. I have been there but friends, keep going and keep running your race.

Living for the Lord results in a prize that will be sweeter than you can even comprehend, and that is worth fighting for.

Faithfully, Becky